Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Breast Milk Cookie Defense

Take a moment and think about your favorite type of cookie. Is your mind currently sampling one of the Girl Scout varieties? Maybe a cool Thin Mint fresh out of the freezer? Or a Samoa, with the chocolate melting into coconut bliss? Are you a chocolate chip fan, or do Oreos dunked in milk make your mouth water? Can you feel the cinnamon powder from the snicker doodle on the tip of your tongue, or are you jonesing for a ginger snap? Be it a Mrs. Fields, a Tollhouse or your mom's, I bet that by now I have you craving a cookie.

OK, so what if I now presented you a plate of delectable looking cookies and asked you if you'd like a "Breast Milk Cookie?" That is the scenario in which I put one of my friends in the name of cookie defense a few nights ago. I must disclose that the cookies really have very little to do with human milk, nor do they contain any breast milk in them. However, I've found that just the mention of human dairy products does enough to repulse even the most dedicated Cookie Monsters.

Here's how it all played out... My friend Pat and his wife Kat came over to take some pictures of the babies for our birth announcements. Kat is the photographer, and Pat was just there to hang with me and visit the babies. Being the gracious host, I supplied Pat with a glass of wine and a small plate of our dinner, which we were just about to start eating. After dinner, as the conversation continued, I decided I wanted a cookie. However, the only cookies we had on stock were the cookies that Rachel's mom had made for her. The cookies were a made of a special recipe given to us by a lactation consultant, and included brewer's yeast and flax seed powder as ingredients; both of which are supposed to help Rachel produce more milk for the children. Of course I had no qualms about snatching a few cookies, but I did feel guilty giving Rachel's entire stash away. That's when the best cookie defense ever imagined popped into my mind. I walked into the room with a plate of the mouth watering cookies, took a chomp out of one, and then put the plate next to Pat and asked the damning question, "Want a breast milk cookie?" Judging by the look on his face, Pat would have rather eaten a Razor Blade Cookie than touch the plate in front of him. He finished his wine, gave a toodle-loo, and left without ever touching the a cookie.

I know, I know, it was a very surreptitious way to protect the cookies, but I'm telling you it works. Try it next time you want to appear generous but also want to keep all your cookies. Ten-to-one says the cookie interloper will leave without consuming a morsel of your treats. Also, I feel compelled to say that I have eaten several more "breast milk cookies" (both Rachel's mom and my mom have made a batch) and I have yet to suffer from engorged breasts nor have I begun lactating - whew.

On a final note, last night we figured out what happens when you combine one tired dad, two fussy babies, one lonely dog and one warm bed. Enjoy the picture of the best snuggle pile ever. Updates on Beards for Babies and the twins coming soon.


  1. You're making me hungry for Ooey Gooey Butter Cookies!!

    That is the perfect "Daddy" picture, and also with man's best friend!

  2. oooohhhhh i cannot wait to spoon with all you klugs in a few short weeks.... ok, days!!!!!!!!!

  3. HAHAHA I soooo ate lactation cookies for dessert. I use lactation cookies, fenugreek AND mother's milk tea to increase my milk for my twins. They all make a difference. And the fact that there's cookies involved helps.

  4. im so excited to go see you on monday! I miss you and Rach ad my mommy and im super excited to meet the babies!

  5. Soooooo proud of you for breastfeeding those babies!