Sunday, September 6, 2009

Parade of P's

"P" is an interesting letter. It can be loud and messy, as in the "p" in petunia. Or, it can be soft and silent, like in the word raspberry. Come to think of it, "p" can even shape-shift, melding with the ever versatile letter "h" to make an "f" sound, as in pharmacy. Upper case "P" is one of the only letters to look identical to its lower case brethren, the only difference being placement. And sometimes, "p's" can run in packs, proving the powerful potency of proliferation. Since our pair of premature pals came home from the NICU, "p's" have been popping up all around the Klug pad.

Peters Micah and Malorie's Aunt Chris came to town this weekend to meet and cuddle the twins. She decided to show some affection by heading to the mall and buying each of the tots some new clothes. The twins, still unable to speak, smile, or respond in any other generally acceptable way, decided to show their gratitude by doing the things they do best: Micah puked on Aunt Chris, and Malorie pooped on her. Welcome to town Aunt Chris, thanks a ton for coming.

Party Girl Malorie greeted Aunt Chris by wearing her most stylish black onesie, which says, "This is my little black dress." By the end of Chris's first day in town, Malorie had worn that little black dress into a little black mess, full of wrinkles and a bit of vomit. I met quite a few girls in college that had that same fashion pattern. That's my girl, 21 days old, going on 21 years old.

Possum Friday night, during the three a.m, (our feeding routine reads like a train schedule these days) Tyson got up and wandered to the backdoor, indicating that he needed to relieve himself. Before I could make it there to let him outside, he started going bonkers, howling at full voice, growling and scratching frantically at the glass door. I came running and flicked on the lights, half expecting to see a burglar running through the backyard. Instead, along the fencepost I spotted a possum. After I got Tyson reasonably calmed down and had allowed the possum ample time to vacate the yard, I allowed Tyson to go inspect the area. However, Tyson went running outside and promptly cornered the possum against the fence. Whoever says a possum rolls over and plays dead is absolutely wrong, because this thing wasn't taking any guff from Tyson. It started snarling and hissing right back. I will always remember breaking up my first possum/beagle confrontation... mostly because it was at 3 a.m. and I was in my backyard wearing nothing but boxer shorts. Good times.

Poopback Yesterday afternoon, Rachel was burping Micah and kept commenting about how bad he stunk. Finally, it was Mal's turn to feed with Rach, so I took Micah and immediately noticed that his back was soaked. "Rachel," I said, "I think Micah has some leakage on his back," I told her. She sniffed her hand and confirmed what we feared. By the time I got Micah to the changing table, that child had somehow gotten dump all the way up his back to his neckline, as well as into both armpits.

Pumping Do you want another reason why my wife is an amazing woman? I figure that we are awake about 20 hours per day lately. Rachel nursed Micah for a total of 4.5 hours yesterday, and Mal for an additional hour. Mal still struggles with a weak latch, and needs more bottle time than her brother to ensure proper nutrition. On top of the 5.5 hours of time with the babies, Rachel spends 20 minutes after each of the eight daily feeding sessions pumping milk to fill bottles for the next feed. That is another 2.75 hours per day, bringing Rachel's daily dairy work to 8.25 hours, or 41.25% of her waking life. Now that is a devoted mother.

Pair OK, this one is a stretch, but the Mal-stache of the Day comes in tandem today. Our nephew Ezra, who was responsible for naming the twins Red and Lellow while they were in the womb, came through with two lovely Mal-staches. The first is a variation of the Hulk Hogan 'stache, with the handlebars extending past the collar for good measure. The second Mal-stache, The Choco-Tee, is a goatee made of chocolate sauce. A clever, daring, and tasty fashion statement that is good for any occasion. Oh yeah, and contribute to Beards for Babies. I plan on posting an updated total raised early next week. Happy Labor Day all, I pronounce this post published.


  1. Pure Poetry!
    Glad to see you with your little niece and nephew, Aunt Chris!!
    Blessings and love!

  2. The joys of parenthood!

  3. k.... me come see you all and help now please. :)

    MY TURN!!!!

  4. I willingly give Chris my title as Auntie Burp Rag! I do not want it!