Scary Stories

The book Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark was a phenomenon in Mrs. Olsen's fourth grade class. The Scholastic book order form that came out in October prominently featured the book on the front cover. The black binding surrounding the drawing of a creepy tree-face smoking a pipe eerily drew us students in, prompting nearly every kid in the class to order the book. We feasted on the short stories meant to get us amped up for Halloween, sharing our favorites with those who were not that far into the book. In honor of the most frightening kids book I ever read, here are Rachel and my favorite Scary Klug Crew Stories just in time for Halloween.

Micah and Malorie Meet a Ghost

We parents planned the excursion rigorously, passing up valuable sleep and waking up early to get ready. We woke the kids up on schedule to feed them, but they were still sleepy, throwing the first wrench into the plans. After basically force-feeding the babies to make sure they would be happy, I took Micah to change him into the fancy outfit laid out for the trip. Malorie, in an act of silent protest against the force feeding, decided she would not burp, forcing Rachel to stay and work with her. As time ticked down to under ten minutes until the family had planned to leave, Micah began to squirm and cry on the changing table. Sensing something was wrong, I picked him up and held him to my shoulder just in time to be showered with a voluminous eruption of vomit. Micah was soaked but feeling better; I was soaked but feeling worse. I had to pass Micah off to his mother to get hosed off and dressed, as I went and re-showered to remove the milk vomit from my hair, ear, back and chest.

After rapidly dressing Micah and changing Malorie's diaper, there was no more time to dress Mal, so she went on the trip in her pajamas. I took the fastest shower of my life, probably missing up to 40% of the vomit, but I at least had the illusion of feeling cleaner. I quickly threw on some nice clothes and grabbed a piece of bread and water for breakfast to eat in the car, forsaking the time it would take to toast the bread. Rachel did a great job of getting the properly dressed Micah and the unburped, pajama wearing Malorie into their car-seats, but she forgot to grab the bag of items meant to take with us to donate to the local food pantry.

Once we all arrived at our destination, the babies who had made so much trouble all morning made like saints. They slept through their entire first church service at Advent Lutheran, slumbering especially soundly during the songs. Micah and Malorie made their first trip to the communion table as well, receiving their first ever blessing from their Pastor - thereby meeting for the first time The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost.

Frightening Feedings

It was a dark and stormy afternoon at the Klug house. Inside, it was eerily quiet. As I sat down to a delicious lunch (Hot Pocket), I suddenly heard a scream coming from the baby’s room. When I walked in I found that Malorie was HUNGRY! She was crying her usual “waaa! waaa! waaa! Come and get me and feed me” cry, so I picked her up and began to warm her a bottle. I changed her diaper and we calmly sat down to enjoy some Oprah and milk and a pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket when... "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh..." another scream from the baby’s room. My frustration kicked in... Micah was HUNGRY too!!!

Now, usually I do my best to space the kids feeding schedules out by at least 45 minutes during the day. After much trial and error I have found that this best allows me to peacefully feed one baby without having one hungry baby just waiting. However, inevitably, at some point during the day, they will catch up with each other. (I can only control so much). Normally, if one wakes up early I try to just pacify that baby as I finish feeding the other one. This juggling act can get kind of hairy, especially when I have to start holding the “passie” in with my foot.

With this particular feeding, though, Micah would not take his “passie.” He would not stall. He was so hungry there was nothing I could do but feed him. But how? I only have two hands and I was already feeding Mal. So, what happened next was probably the spookiest thing ever, but a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do... I attempted to do a breast feeding/bottle feeding simultaneously. Things got a little scarier when burping time came along. I would lay one down in a Boppy while burping the other, then switch. At one point, I did try to do them both on my shoulder at the same time, but I had no luck with that.

When things were all said and done, all three of us were wiped out. I laid them side by side in Boppy pillows and we all caught our breath. I would never wish that situation upon anyone, nor would I have wanted anyone to witness what it looked like. It was definitely... VERY SCARY! After a brief recovery period, I finally settled in for some Oprah and a now cold, stale pocket. Yum.