Report Cards

With Rachel being a teacher, and me a perpetual student of something or another, we are both pros at report cards. Over dinner last week, I asked Rachel if she missed preparing report cards for her students, an activity she usually has to do this time of year. She glared at me as if I were insane, freezing me mid sentence with her icy stare, and then returned to her mashed potatoes without saying a word. She didn't have to tell me, I knew from previous experience that she hates drafting report cards.

Had Rachel let me finish, I would have told her that after Micah and Malorie's recent visit to the pediatrician, I thought it would be entertaining to post the kids progress in the form of report cards. Some schools give "satisfactory" or "unsatisfactory" grades to young children; some go with checks, minus and plus signs; and others choose to use more ambiguous grades like symbols for sunshine, clouds and rain. For the sake of simplicity, I will use letter grades. You may also note the subjects aren't the traditional writing and arithmetic that is evaluated at later ages. For the first four months, we will stick to the milestones they should have made it to thus far, as they would probably score poorly if I graded them out on geography.

Student: Micah Klug

Grades

Sleeping: A

Cooing: A

Rolling Over: B-

Grabbing Stuff: A

Smiling/Laughing: A

Growing: A+

Comments: Overall, Micah has done a terrific job. His strongest subject is growing, as he now weighs 15 lbs 13 oz. This puts him into the 75th percentile among his peers, which is terrific considering where he started from four months ago. Micah also has come a long way with his sleeping, which has been uninterrupted through the night for several weeks now. Micah does great during playtime, talking and laughing with his classmate. If there is one thing Micah needs to work on for next semester, it is his rolling, which lags behind. This is probably due to his chunky nature, and should correct itself soon.

Student: Malorie Klug
Grades
Sleeping: B
Cooing: A-
Rolling Over: A+
Grabbing Stuff: A-
Smiling/Laughing: A
Growing: A
Comments: Malorie is 100% little girl; the daintiest child I have ever seen. She is a maestro at rolling over, going tummy-to-back and back-to-tummy with ease. I expect her to start scooting any day now. She is really beginning to use her voice, talking, cooing and laughing daily. She has done a tremendous job in growing, now weighing 13 lbs, nearly as big as Rachel's parents cat Caramel. Malorie is so curious that she has gotten a bald spot on the back of her head from looking around so much. She is still working at sleeping, which is hit or miss. She will sleep through the night for a couple nights straight, only to follow it up by waking at 2 am for several straight nights. All in all, she is a pleasure to be around.

So, hopefully I won't get any nasty letters from parents, or have to schedule a conference with myself to discuss the my own assessment of my children's abilities (that would be weird). But, as any good teacher would, I will be standing by for feedback on ways to improve my assessment process and willing to speak to anyone who has concerns. Next semester we will be adding some new, challenging subjects like "eating solids", "crawling" and "not hitting your sibling with things". I would try to get Rachel to write the next report card, but I think if I asked I might get those mashed potatoes thrown at my face.