The Baby Business Is Booming

Gerber is for Goobers! You're nuts if you feed your kids Beechnut. If Earth's Best isn't good enough for your babies, then do I have an investment for you! That's right - Rachel and I have gone totally hippie and decided to make our own baby food. OK, before you send us any checks to begin your investment, you should know we're not harvesting wheat, planting rice patties or milling oats to make cereal. But we are steaming, pureeing and freezing vegetables for food for the twins. Last Saturday, in lieu of a date night movie, Rachel and I bonded by making soggy broccoli into mush to feed to our babies, and for just a few dollars a day we can do it for you too. It's just the latest successful product of the Klug Company Baby Business.

The process begins by finely chopping the broccoli, or other vegetable of your liking, then steaming it. The finely chopping part is to make it cook fast, as to not overcook the vegetable and lose vital nutrients. Then, we put the cooked, nutritious vegetable into a food processor and set it to the puree setting. That produces a noise that sounds like a tornado kissing a buzz saw, and some thick veggie sludge. To get the baby food to a consistency befitting a baby, we then add some delectable broth from the pan and mix again. Ears ringing, we finally package the baby ready mush into freezer compatible trays and store for easy use.

Users all over the Jacksonville area are in love with our homemade veggie baby food. Just ask this Klug Company Baby Food user chosen at random from our customer base: "On Sunday, we fed Klug Company broccoli to our babies, who LOVED it. They have really taken to eating lately. Malorie grunts and begins a terribly pathetic cry if we don't shovel the Klug Company food in fast enough. Micah, my son, thinks eating homemade food is hilarious. He giggles, chomps, makes fart noises with his mouth full and kicks like he is fighting Jackie Chan while eating. The twins are now eating the Klug Company produced foods twice a day, at lunch and dinner time."

Baby food is not our only success here, as the two most valuable assets of the Klug Company Baby Business have been going through a period of unprecedented growth. Micah has finally gotten rid of the cough that plagued him for a few weeks. Both babies seem eager to crawl, with Mal starting to scoot backwards and Micah thrashing on his stomach like he is racing Michael Phelps in the 100 meters. Micah got to pet Tyson today, and Malorie has begun to use her hands to hold her up in a tripod sitting position. Both kids love watching Baby Einstein videos, although I am more partial to Looney Tunes and Yo Gabba Gabba. Micah is developing a bit of stranger anxiety, crying whenever a face he doesn't recognize comes close. Mal is as open to new friends as ever, though, flirting like only a descendant of Rachel could. So, send your checks today to get in on the ground floor of this whopping investment opportunity; don't let the chance of a lifetime pass you by, invest in The Klug Company Baby Business today!

Note: This blog post for entertainment purposes only. Please do not send money Mom.