Sunday, August 2, 2009

Girls Sleep-Overs Are Gross

You guys remember what junior high was like. I sure do! I was a rail thin, 95 pound, pimple faced, greasy haired, baggy clothes wearing, clarinet playing student at Washington Middle School. And while I did have several sisters, girl sleep-overs were still a mystery to me and all my friends. We wondered if they were like boy sleep-overs, during which we stayed up late watching HBO, played Nintendo and said curse words when the parents were out of the room? Of course not, some enlightened pre-pubescent classmate once told me. Girls stunk at Nintendo, so instead of playing video games they would have pillow fights and fashion shows. Well, it has taken me twenty years, but after the scientific research I conducted this weekend, I now know that junior high boys are morons. I am here to confirm that girl sleep-overs are in fact just like boy sleep-overs, only with more burping and farting.

OK, so to be fair the gas may be a byproduct of pregnancy. Rachel's sleep-over buddy Jenna came to town from St. Louis, and is knocked up too. Back to my landmark girl sleep-over research: Rachel and Jenna have been sitting in the other room watching TV for the past forty minutes and I have counted 27 audible expressions of gaseous emissions. It is enough to make Homer Simpson and his burpin' beer buddy Barney blush. I have also counted three curse words. I have not heard any Nintendo music, but to be fair Duck Hunt is not really as cool as it used to be.

Actually, the burping and farting has been a running joke all weekend. The girls say they can't hold it back, and trust you me, they are not holding back anything. Actually, Rachel hasn't peed her pants yet this weekend, so I guess she is holding something back.

Aside from all the frat boy antics, Jenna and Rachel have been a pleasure this weekend. They spent plenty of time catching up, exchanging stories about relatives and sunning at the pool.

Rachel has not had any more unusual symptoms since our ER trip, just the normal expanding uterus, stretching pelvic bones, swollen hands and feet and general exhaustion. If I have not mentioned it lately, she is a trooper.

After the trip to the ER Tuesday night, I realized that this may be my last week to finish all the baby preparations. So, I went through a flurry of activities this week. I am happy to report that as of today, the shelves are up in the baby room, the car seats are installed, and I finished reading "On Becoming Babywise." Enjoy the pictures of the fruits of my labor - there will be pictures of the fruits of Rachel's labor soon enough.

OK, so back to middle school. I'd like to know where that image of girls having pillow fights and practicing kissing came from. Whoever thought up that fantasy dreamland should be banished from the Washington Middle School boys gym-class locker room and never allowed to return. Either that or he should be forced to sit in a room adjacent to Rachel and Jenna. Sometimes I long for those days of innocence, back before science ruled out the possibility of girl sleep-overs being promised land. But, then again, I'm not sure I'd like to play the clarinet anymore.


  1. Pillow fights - yes. Fashion shows - yes. Practicing kissing - no. (sorry middle-school boys) Practicing dancing and learning to wiggle hips to "Incense, Peppermints" by The Strawberry Alarm Clock - yes. Hypnotizing and being extremely daring by putting an aspirin in a coke and drinking it trying to get a high - yes. Cursing - (sorry Nana) yes. Farting and burping - no. (That may be due to the fact that none of my friends were pregnant in 6th grade.)
    Glad you had a fun weekend, Rachel, and Billy, too!



    (ok, i love you)